Urgh

So yesterday I sat, put on one of my Spotify playlists, and cracked on with some writing.

I got a bit done, added to a short story, re drafted some stuff, and got a couple of blog posts done.

I was all ready to post a piece I’d be working on for a good couple of hours about how I’d been feeling pretty anxious for awhile, and I thought it was all coming from having a full team of PAs.

I explained why that would make me anxious and went into a bit of my history with PAs and care.

I then got an email.

An email of resignation.

I just want to start by saying I’m not mad at the person, I understand their reasons, I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do.

BUT

I need these people to live any kind of life.

They have quit and I now have been left in a situation where I’ve had to call around family to come stay with me one night because my other PAs are either on holiday or untrained. I have also had to cancel a further two planned events.

It’s just a massive kick in the balls.

I now have to start the whole process of finding someone, training them, and getting used to them being in my space.

At the basic level of announce this cost money, it’s eating through my budget. I can’t afford to keep recruiting someone and train them for them to then quit after 4 months.

It’s then just incredibly frustrating because it does just stop everything.

This is something I’m going to have to go through over and over, and because I employ my own staff it’s not like there’s someone just standing by to fill in.

How am I going to be able to get a job and be seen as a reliable employee when at any given moment I can lose a PA, or two, and need time to figure everything out again.

How am I supposed to move out when loosing a PA means I have no one for 20 to 48 hours a week. At home it’s not as bad there’s people around, but if I lived alone I’d be screwed.

What’s the point in making plans when at any given moment I could have to cancel.

insert a massive huff and eye roll here

Look I know I’m being a tiny bit dramatic.

It’s just annoying.

After all I’ve been through with care you feel like you’re finally getting somewhere, and although anxious about the changes it meant I could start planning a future.

It’s just another reminder that life ain’t going to be easy, and I don’t know if I’m always going to have the strength to keep pulling myself back up and go through these motions over and over again.

Just give a girl a break!

2 thoughts on “Urgh

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